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Mary

I read through Luke close to 10 years ago and wrote in my journal that one of the things that really stuck out to me was the phrase "But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." Luke writes that 3 different times about her.. and I felt that it must be significant.

Last week in church, Bill mentioned that same thing, so I started thinking about Mary again. What an absolute honor, to be chosen by God for something like that. She was just a girl.. and the Lord saw in her someone worthy to raise Jesus.

The gospels don't say a ton about her. She accepted her role, carried it out... and treasured this experience in her heart. She gave birth to Jesus, mothered him, followed him in his teachings and was there when he died. She devoted her life to taking care of God's son. She did exactly what God said she could do.

I don't think this is about her great works or anything. But she must have been special, and was obviously close to God's heart. I want that kind of life. Even if I'm not famous, even if most people never hear my name- I want to spend my life caring for the people God cares about. Doing his work with all my heart, for all my life.

And truly treasuring it. Every moment and experience.

gobble gobble

This has been one of my favorite passages for a long time..
"Let love be genuine; hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good; love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honor. Do not lag in zeal, be ardent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints; extend hospitality to strangers." - Romans 12:9-13

I like mini-pep talks like this. Every time I read it, I think: Yes! That's the desire within me! It's such a worthy goal.. and I can use reminders on a regular basis.

I've seen a lot of highs and lows in other people's lives lately. I've seen people act with kindness in beautiful moments. And I've seen others be disappointed. It's a fact that people are going to let you down- which makes it so much sweeter when they come through.

I was feeling really down about the holidays, since we don't get to go to Florida again. But two weeks ago, my brother Joe moved about 5 hours south of here! We'll be spending a couple days with him.. I'm honestly thrilled :D

I'm feeling thankful for my job.. and extra thankful for my 4 day weekend.

Everyone is feeling festive this week and I think it's great! I really don't want to only be thankful one week a year though. I want that to be my lifestyle. There's always something you could complain about, you know? But dwelling on it will just ruin your day.

Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful, for beauty is God's handwriting.- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Some post-election thoughts

Intertwined

Once in awhile I read a quote that speaks to something inside of me in a truly profound way. I love reading quotes because every so often I find one that articulates a thought that's been trying to surface within me, but I haven't found a way to articulate. This is one of those:

Christian prayer is always a response to a presence already felt. The awareness of a desire to pray again is already prayer. As the desert fathers so often said, "If you want to pray, you are already praying."
- Edward J. Farrell

I have definitely been guilty of putting my own limitations on God. But God is there whether I'm aware of him or not. And he knows what I feel, think and desire whether I'm putting them into words or not.

I believe that he lives in me. That means that everything I feel is intertwined with what he feels. I have no doubt that there is power in prayer, in saying out loud all of things burning inside of us. It's absolutely necessary.

But beginning to pray is our physical response to what's already happening within us. That thought reminds me of how very present God is. How aware he is of the good things in me and how much grace he gives me in all the ways I fall short. I'm so thankful that he's always at work in me. Whether I'm seeking him with all my heart or hiding, he's an intricate part of every moment of my life. It's oddly comforting to realize that I can't get outside of God.

Now.

Bryon and I got back from our Florida trip on Monday. Honestly, I expected to feel depressed this week. I miss home. I miss having family and friends that make us feel like we belong. Our life in California has been much more isolated, and it's been hard.

So it's been easy for me to think of this time as something to get through and one day we get to leave.. almost like CA isn't our real life, it's just a really long trip. But since we've been back I've realized how much I don't want to live that way.

I don't want to live for something that's going to happen in the future. And I don't want to be so attached to the past that I can't embrace what's in front of me. All I'm guaranteed, all I have- is this moment. I have hope for things to come. I have memories that I cherish. But all I can actually live is right now.

I think I've made a habit of living passively, and that's the opposite of what I want to do. So I guess I needed this eye-opener.. these thoughts have been running through my head all week, and I've definitely been more intentional about how I spend my time, how I respond to people, what I'm thinking or talking about. Today counts just as much as last week did.

Obviously, this doesn't mean I'll never feel lonely or sad. But I will make the most of every day. Very soon, this moment.. this weekend.. this season will only be a memory.

I refuse to let it simply pass me by.

it's a process

Reading through Romans was pretty whoa. There's so much good stuff in there.. and so much to challenge me.

This really stuck out to me: 15:5-6 Now may the God who gives perseverance and encouragement grant you to be of the same mind with one another according to Christ Jesus,so that with one accord you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

I haven't actually been feeling super unified lately. I don't know anyone that shares my every belief and sometimes it's easy to focus on the differences. I love conversing about different opinions.. but it can turn from a friendly discussion to an alienating disagreement pretty quickly. That just makes us feel bad, and doesn't do much good for God either. It doesn't even have to be a conversation. Today at church, one of the pastors said something good about Glenn Beck's rally yesterday and I immediately crossed my arms and put my walls up. I don't like Glenn Beck. So he can't do anything good, ever. Right?

Then that same pastor gave an incredible message about the Father's heart for us. About how even though other people's sin bothers us, it doesn't bother God that way. He's pursuing them with passionate love, and they're white as snow in his eyes. And God has that same burning desire to be with us personally. I get much more offended than he does. But I want to love like him.

Rom 14:1- Now accept the one who is weak in faith, but not for the purpose of passing judgment on his opinions.
When I read that verse it was so convicting. I am definitely guilty of accepting people.. so I can start conforming them into my image of what Christians should be. On a second reading, I realized that some people probably need that verse to deal with me. I'm still working through a lot of stuff. And I'm truly thankful for people that accept me without trying to correct everything I say.

I just want to be the body. I want to be love. I want to be unified, to show how good God is. Lord, help me.