Some post-election thoughts

Intertwined

Once in awhile I read a quote that speaks to something inside of me in a truly profound way. I love reading quotes because every so often I find one that articulates a thought that's been trying to surface within me, but I haven't found a way to articulate. This is one of those:

Christian prayer is always a response to a presence already felt. The awareness of a desire to pray again is already prayer. As the desert fathers so often said, "If you want to pray, you are already praying."
- Edward J. Farrell

I have definitely been guilty of putting my own limitations on God. But God is there whether I'm aware of him or not. And he knows what I feel, think and desire whether I'm putting them into words or not.

I believe that he lives in me. That means that everything I feel is intertwined with what he feels. I have no doubt that there is power in prayer, in saying out loud all of things burning inside of us. It's absolutely necessary.

But beginning to pray is our physical response to what's already happening within us. That thought reminds me of how very present God is. How aware he is of the good things in me and how much grace he gives me in all the ways I fall short. I'm so thankful that he's always at work in me. Whether I'm seeking him with all my heart or hiding, he's an intricate part of every moment of my life. It's oddly comforting to realize that I can't get outside of God.

Now.

Bryon and I got back from our Florida trip on Monday. Honestly, I expected to feel depressed this week. I miss home. I miss having family and friends that make us feel like we belong. Our life in California has been much more isolated, and it's been hard.

So it's been easy for me to think of this time as something to get through and one day we get to leave.. almost like CA isn't our real life, it's just a really long trip. But since we've been back I've realized how much I don't want to live that way.

I don't want to live for something that's going to happen in the future. And I don't want to be so attached to the past that I can't embrace what's in front of me. All I'm guaranteed, all I have- is this moment. I have hope for things to come. I have memories that I cherish. But all I can actually live is right now.

I think I've made a habit of living passively, and that's the opposite of what I want to do. So I guess I needed this eye-opener.. these thoughts have been running through my head all week, and I've definitely been more intentional about how I spend my time, how I respond to people, what I'm thinking or talking about. Today counts just as much as last week did.

Obviously, this doesn't mean I'll never feel lonely or sad. But I will make the most of every day. Very soon, this moment.. this weekend.. this season will only be a memory.

I refuse to let it simply pass me by.

it's a process

Reading through Romans was pretty whoa. There's so much good stuff in there.. and so much to challenge me.

This really stuck out to me: 15:5-6 Now may the God who gives perseverance and encouragement grant you to be of the same mind with one another according to Christ Jesus,so that with one accord you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

I haven't actually been feeling super unified lately. I don't know anyone that shares my every belief and sometimes it's easy to focus on the differences. I love conversing about different opinions.. but it can turn from a friendly discussion to an alienating disagreement pretty quickly. That just makes us feel bad, and doesn't do much good for God either. It doesn't even have to be a conversation. Today at church, one of the pastors said something good about Glenn Beck's rally yesterday and I immediately crossed my arms and put my walls up. I don't like Glenn Beck. So he can't do anything good, ever. Right?

Then that same pastor gave an incredible message about the Father's heart for us. About how even though other people's sin bothers us, it doesn't bother God that way. He's pursuing them with passionate love, and they're white as snow in his eyes. And God has that same burning desire to be with us personally. I get much more offended than he does. But I want to love like him.

Rom 14:1- Now accept the one who is weak in faith, but not for the purpose of passing judgment on his opinions.
When I read that verse it was so convicting. I am definitely guilty of accepting people.. so I can start conforming them into my image of what Christians should be. On a second reading, I realized that some people probably need that verse to deal with me. I'm still working through a lot of stuff. And I'm truly thankful for people that accept me without trying to correct everything I say.

I just want to be the body. I want to be love. I want to be unified, to show how good God is. Lord, help me.

The Bible

My dearest friend Katie and I were recently discussing the fact that neither of us have ever actually read the entire Bible. So, in a moment of determination and optimism, we decided we would find a plan, read the whole Good Book in a year and check up on each other's progress. We're one week in, and so far, so good.

I think this is going to be a really good thing for me. I've noticed that even just having to discipline myself to read 3 or 4 chapters a day is a kind of big change. To be completely honest, I've gone weeks without reading the Bible. Getting into it every day has been keeping my mind more focused on God.

I don't think that scripture is the only way God speaks to us. I believe the Holy Spirit is constantly speaking to us, through that still small voice, through other people, through nature, through coincidences. But I also believe the Bible is an awesome gift to us and I don't want to neglect it.

Today I read Romans 6. The very last verse, 23, is: For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. I'm sure you, like me, have read it a hundred times.

Most of the time I've heard it discussed, the focus is on the first clause. "The wages of sin is death." True. We're terrible sinners and that's why we need Jesus. But one of the beautiful things about reading the Bible through is that you get context. And pretty much the whole chapter leading up to this point focuses on the "free gift of eternal life" issue.

We're free from sin. We are now slaves to righteousness. Our old self has been crucified with Christ. Never, ever again to we have to live in bondage. That is the point of the cross. I could sit on this for awhile.

Some tunes

I've been in a really happy music place lately. Not like the music I'm currently loving is always super happy. I'm just happy with it. So, even though I don't usually do this, enjoy!

Animal Collective- My Girls


Florence & the Machine- Between Two Lungs


Annnd Broken Bells- The High Road

Starry Night Over the Rhone

This is my life right now.



Also, there will be an Impressionist exhibit in San Francisco in September and I would really, really love to go.