Wednesday, July 29, 2009
balance
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
my heart and my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
This has pretty much been my prayer, the cry of my heart. Worship AND service. I know both are absolutely essential. Please, please pray for me to have the right balance. I don't want to be so caught up in my personal relationship with God that I forget his heart for other people. And I don't want to be so focused on works that I take my eyes off of Jesus.
Jesus said to him, What is written in the Law? How do you read it? And he replied, You must love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself. And Jesus said to him, You have answered correctly; do this, and you will live [enjoy active, blessed, endless life in the kingdom of God]. Luke 10:26-28
This is clearly the heart of God. Loving him (worship) and loving people (service). I feel as though in different periods in my life I've been more focused on one or the other.. but I don't think that's right. We can't just choose the parts of God's call that we like and leave out the rest. Over the past couple years, I've focused a lot on Shane Claiborne and Bill Johnson. I believe they each encompass God's call, though it looks very different. And I think that's ok. They are both loving God and loving others. I just want to sort out how that looks in my own life.
For most of my life I think I was significantly more focused on learning who God is and delving deeper in my relationship with him. That's a beautiful thing, but it stayed primarily internal. As of late, a passion for social justice has been so stirred in my heart.. and I want to embrace that- but without neglected the former.
I'm sure this is something that will balance out over the course of my life. I feel like I'm stepping into my call and it's very exciting. I just want to be sure to stay on the right track.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
barbarian
"There is a barbarian revolt taking place, and its command center is the kingdom of God. Everywhere the kingdom of God advances, there is a violent engagement against a dark kingdom. To be born of God is to be made a citizen in the kingdom of God, and the kingdom of God is at war. Do not confuse this kingdom with Paradise. Salvation is not reentry into a Paradise Lost; it is enlistment in the kingdom of God.
Jesus is telling us in no uncertain terms that there is a battle raging. This is perhaps the most important reason why we must choose the barbarian way and resist any temptation to become civilized. Domesticated Christians are far too willing to abdicate the battle for the soul of the world. Civility focuses our energy on all the wrong places. We spend our lives emphasizing our personal development and spiritual well-being. We build churches that become nothing more than hiding places for the faithful while pretending that our actions are for the good of the world. Or we choose political or secular vehicles to try to advance our cultural values, strangely attempting to make unbelieving people act like civilized believers.
In contrast Jesus calls us to a different way. He tells us this is a battle of kingdoms. He insists that if we are His followers, we must not live in a world defined only by the material. We cannot limit our sights to what is flesh and blood. We should know better than that. To see from a kingdom perspective is to know that there is a conflict of invisible kingdoms and that people's lives are forever changed by what happens in the unseen. We are called to be warriors of light in dark places. We are mystical warriors who use weapons not of this world."
-Erwin McManus, The Barbarian Way
This scares the crap out of me. Yet it resonates deep within my soul. Being a part of the kingdom of God requires EVERYTHING we have and EVERYTHING we are. Becoming a follower of Christ does not make life "easier." But it does make it worth something.
For so long I've limited my Christianity to my personal theology. But it's so much more than that.. we're God's body here on earth. He has a purpose. And he plans on using us to accomplish that purpose.
I wish I knew exactly what that is going to look like for me, but I really don't. I just want to open to it, whatever it is. Lately, I've been praying that God will break out of every box I've put him in. And that he will break down anything I lean on besides him. No matter what the cost.. it's worth it to truly follow him.
It's so much more than I signed up for. I know we're supposed to count the cost before. But I'm realizing more and more now that the deeper I go with God, the more he invests in me, the more that will be required. And I know that I want my life's purpose to be used as his vessel.
It's a little terrifying. And incredibly exhilarating.
Jesus is telling us in no uncertain terms that there is a battle raging. This is perhaps the most important reason why we must choose the barbarian way and resist any temptation to become civilized. Domesticated Christians are far too willing to abdicate the battle for the soul of the world. Civility focuses our energy on all the wrong places. We spend our lives emphasizing our personal development and spiritual well-being. We build churches that become nothing more than hiding places for the faithful while pretending that our actions are for the good of the world. Or we choose political or secular vehicles to try to advance our cultural values, strangely attempting to make unbelieving people act like civilized believers.
In contrast Jesus calls us to a different way. He tells us this is a battle of kingdoms. He insists that if we are His followers, we must not live in a world defined only by the material. We cannot limit our sights to what is flesh and blood. We should know better than that. To see from a kingdom perspective is to know that there is a conflict of invisible kingdoms and that people's lives are forever changed by what happens in the unseen. We are called to be warriors of light in dark places. We are mystical warriors who use weapons not of this world."
-Erwin McManus, The Barbarian Way
This scares the crap out of me. Yet it resonates deep within my soul. Being a part of the kingdom of God requires EVERYTHING we have and EVERYTHING we are. Becoming a follower of Christ does not make life "easier." But it does make it worth something.
For so long I've limited my Christianity to my personal theology. But it's so much more than that.. we're God's body here on earth. He has a purpose. And he plans on using us to accomplish that purpose.
I wish I knew exactly what that is going to look like for me, but I really don't. I just want to open to it, whatever it is. Lately, I've been praying that God will break out of every box I've put him in. And that he will break down anything I lean on besides him. No matter what the cost.. it's worth it to truly follow him.
It's so much more than I signed up for. I know we're supposed to count the cost before. But I'm realizing more and more now that the deeper I go with God, the more he invests in me, the more that will be required. And I know that I want my life's purpose to be used as his vessel.
It's a little terrifying. And incredibly exhilarating.
Friday, July 24, 2009
apples to apples
This morning I was reading Luke 13 which includes the parable of the fig tree. In this gospel's version, it goes like this:
6-7Then he told them a story: "A man had an apple tree planted in his front yard. He came to it expecting to find apples, but there weren't any. He said to his gardener, 'What's going on here? For three years now I've come to this tree expecting apples and not one apple have I found. Chop it down! Why waste good ground with it any longer?'
8-9"The gardener said, 'Let's give it another year. I'll dig around it and fertilize, and maybe it will produce next year; if it doesn't, then chop it down.'"
I've always heard about Christians needing to bear fruit or get thrown into the fire. What stuck out to me when I read this though, was the gardener intervening on the tree's behalf. I was struck by the patience and faithfulness of the gardener. I think of all my years growing up in church, not applying what I was hearing.. and I'm so grateful I didn't get chopped.
Don't get me wrong, faith without works is dead. But God's love is everlasting and He is slow to anger. Thank Jesus that He finally got ahold of me.
6-7Then he told them a story: "A man had an apple tree planted in his front yard. He came to it expecting to find apples, but there weren't any. He said to his gardener, 'What's going on here? For three years now I've come to this tree expecting apples and not one apple have I found. Chop it down! Why waste good ground with it any longer?'
8-9"The gardener said, 'Let's give it another year. I'll dig around it and fertilize, and maybe it will produce next year; if it doesn't, then chop it down.'"
I've always heard about Christians needing to bear fruit or get thrown into the fire. What stuck out to me when I read this though, was the gardener intervening on the tree's behalf. I was struck by the patience and faithfulness of the gardener. I think of all my years growing up in church, not applying what I was hearing.. and I'm so grateful I didn't get chopped.
Don't get me wrong, faith without works is dead. But God's love is everlasting and He is slow to anger. Thank Jesus that He finally got ahold of me.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Happiest place on earth
part 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfWYQIMRzqk part 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6iEjR2q2Nw part 3: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLVOq0RV2-0 part 4: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3-2rr2RPSg
These videos are awesome! God moves in such a raw way... in Disneyland =)
This is the kind of transforming power I absolutely believe God has put in all of us. If we follow God in a radical way, He will use us. God's heart for us is life and healing.. may we walk in His footsteps.
These videos are awesome! God moves in such a raw way... in Disneyland =)
This is the kind of transforming power I absolutely believe God has put in all of us. If we follow God in a radical way, He will use us. God's heart for us is life and healing.. may we walk in His footsteps.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Guatemala 1
Being back in the USA is a little hard. I'm so glad to be back with all of our loved ones, but I'm so sad to be away from Panamaquin. It's probably how I'm going to feel in 5 weeks when we move to California.
I loved it there. I loved how much we were able to slow down and focus on prayer, worship, studying and loving people. It feels like that's what we are supposed to be doing. Yesterday I worked all day, and I loved seeing my co-workers and catching up with some friends. But I did not love following up with our insurance company, paying bills and remembering that we have nowhere to live in a couple months.
I know this is a part of life. I know nobody enjoys tedious, monotonous, everyday tasks. I'm so grateful we were able to go be a part of something so wonderful. God did so much in us while we were there. I'm praying and praying that each of us hold on to that. I was so content there. The Bible makes it pretty clear that we going to go through testing... If I can be content there, I can be content here.
God alone can keep us strong, keep us close to Him. That's the cry of my heart, and He is faithful.
In Panamaquin there is very little access to the internet, few tvs and one school. At first I thought "their world is so small!" Then I went to the top of the mountain and looked at miles and miles of villages and cities and realized.... my world is so small.
God is so far outside of my box. He is everywhere, in everything. He is in Guatemala, Florida and California. He is my foundation and my fortress. He alone is my joy and my strength. Every day, I'm thankful that He opens my eyes to see more of who He is.
I loved it there. I loved how much we were able to slow down and focus on prayer, worship, studying and loving people. It feels like that's what we are supposed to be doing. Yesterday I worked all day, and I loved seeing my co-workers and catching up with some friends. But I did not love following up with our insurance company, paying bills and remembering that we have nowhere to live in a couple months.
I know this is a part of life. I know nobody enjoys tedious, monotonous, everyday tasks. I'm so grateful we were able to go be a part of something so wonderful. God did so much in us while we were there. I'm praying and praying that each of us hold on to that. I was so content there. The Bible makes it pretty clear that we going to go through testing... If I can be content there, I can be content here.
God alone can keep us strong, keep us close to Him. That's the cry of my heart, and He is faithful.
In Panamaquin there is very little access to the internet, few tvs and one school. At first I thought "their world is so small!" Then I went to the top of the mountain and looked at miles and miles of villages and cities and realized.... my world is so small.
God is so far outside of my box. He is everywhere, in everything. He is in Guatemala, Florida and California. He is my foundation and my fortress. He alone is my joy and my strength. Every day, I'm thankful that He opens my eyes to see more of who He is.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
dreams have changed
Last night, after some deliberation, I decided that when I wake up this morning, I'd get my coffee and read in bed for at least an hour. That was one of my favorite things to do about 5 years ago... since then, life has changed a good bit and gotten a lot busier.
So, I woke up and started the coffee.. while it was brewing I wanted to check in on the Guatemala blogs. Other people had posted some new stuff as well... Now, half an hour later, I realized that my dreams have changed.
I will always love to read in bed. It's a wonderful way to spend a rainy afternoon. This a small piece of the puzzle.. Last night, I wasn't going to read so that I could pack (which is becoming more and more urgent.) Now, I'm not reading my fiction novel because connecting and creating is just more important to me.
There's more to life than I've ever realized before. I love that I've learned so much about who I am and what my dreams are in the past few months. I didn't figure everything out when I was 18 or when I got married. And I'm not planning on having it all down when I turn 25 or 40.
Getting into heaven isn't what being a Christian is all about. We follow Christ here on earth to know and share His love. When you aren't so consumed with the destination alone, you're much more free to enjoy the journey. Cliche as that may be, I'm still getting it.
So, I woke up and started the coffee.. while it was brewing I wanted to check in on the Guatemala blogs. Other people had posted some new stuff as well... Now, half an hour later, I realized that my dreams have changed.
I will always love to read in bed. It's a wonderful way to spend a rainy afternoon. This a small piece of the puzzle.. Last night, I wasn't going to read so that I could pack (which is becoming more and more urgent.) Now, I'm not reading my fiction novel because connecting and creating is just more important to me.
There's more to life than I've ever realized before. I love that I've learned so much about who I am and what my dreams are in the past few months. I didn't figure everything out when I was 18 or when I got married. And I'm not planning on having it all down when I turn 25 or 40.
Getting into heaven isn't what being a Christian is all about. We follow Christ here on earth to know and share His love. When you aren't so consumed with the destination alone, you're much more free to enjoy the journey. Cliche as that may be, I'm still getting it.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
my purpose
I've been wanting to start blogging for awhile. Last semester, my teacher told us (as English majors) that each one of us should absolutely be doing it- but I haven't. Now, with Guatemala, California and who knows what else coming up, it's time.
This past weekend I took a road trip with a friend to visit Morning Star. Our time at the church was awesome, but I was most encouraged by our conversations during the 9 hour drives to and from SC. Last week, while at work, I realized how much I long for connection with people. My mom works with me and I noticed how much I try to talk to her.. not about anything important, I just want to be feeding that relationship. I'll tell her how nice my highlighter is working if there's nothing else to say, just to feel close. When I told Katie this, I half expected her to give me a strange look and change the subject, but then she said... "me too!"
People are so relational. We long to be connected to others, to be accepted and desired. If we feel it strongly enough to make somewhat pointless conversation, how much more must God be longing for our constant attention and affection?
Paul encourages us to pray without ceasing, and while I definitely believe this is for our own growth and well-being, I also believe that God is a lover yearning to be close to us.
I know how strong that hope is in me, and there's no one else who can satisfy that hunger like He can. I believe that's what we were created for.. relationship with God and with each other. Everything else is mundane. How awesome is it that God wants to enjoy us as we enjoy Him??
This past weekend I took a road trip with a friend to visit Morning Star. Our time at the church was awesome, but I was most encouraged by our conversations during the 9 hour drives to and from SC. Last week, while at work, I realized how much I long for connection with people. My mom works with me and I noticed how much I try to talk to her.. not about anything important, I just want to be feeding that relationship. I'll tell her how nice my highlighter is working if there's nothing else to say, just to feel close. When I told Katie this, I half expected her to give me a strange look and change the subject, but then she said... "me too!"
People are so relational. We long to be connected to others, to be accepted and desired. If we feel it strongly enough to make somewhat pointless conversation, how much more must God be longing for our constant attention and affection?
Paul encourages us to pray without ceasing, and while I definitely believe this is for our own growth and well-being, I also believe that God is a lover yearning to be close to us.
I know how strong that hope is in me, and there's no one else who can satisfy that hunger like He can. I believe that's what we were created for.. relationship with God and with each other. Everything else is mundane. How awesome is it that God wants to enjoy us as we enjoy Him??
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