skeleton me

I want to..

get my dessert out of the fridge even though it needs to chill for 2 more hours.

"like" every status and photo on someone's Facebook so they laugh the next time they check it.

go a month only wearing 6 articles of clothing.

never lose myself to a bad mood.

be able to paint all the pictures in my head.

get my Zune in the mail right now.


I am..

starting to feel sleepy.

already excited about our Florida trip in October.

convinced that I'm not always right.

stoked that Safeway had peppermint mocha creamer in the middle of June.

an overcomer.


I'm not always satisfied with where I am. But maybe that's the motivation I need.

Hebrews 12:1-2

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne."

Does this passage make anyone else really excited? Because I am totally ecstatic after reading it.

To start, I'm not sure who is in the cloud of witnesses. But whether they are angels, fellow believers or even loved ones who have passed on, it's clear that these witnesses are an encouragement to us.

I love the image of us running this race, being weighed down, getting tired.. then looking at Jesus- and everything changes. The burdens of life slide off. The sin that so easily entangles us is removed. And then we run with perseverance: not getting distracted, not getting defeated.

The Lord called us to this race. And he did not ask to run just so we could get worn out and give up. If he called us to run after him, we must be able to do it. In his grace, he enables us to run, full speed, to the end. There are distractions and burdens, but he gives us a way out. He gives us the strength we need.

I love the picture of Jesus "disregarding" the shame of the cross. All the guilt and condemnation we carry.. Jesus took it. And he overcame it. Disregard usually means "oh, that was no big deal, just ignore it." That's such an awesome way to put it. Jesus took ALL of our shame and looked ahead at the joy of being with the Father and uniting us with the Father and it was no issue.

I truly believe that the same Holy Spirit that was in Jesus has been given to us. I don't believe God has put us in a world that is going to destroy us. It's not always easy, but it's always possible.

It's my sincere hope that we can all learn to run this marathon just as God intended us to- victoriously.

Dos Anos

May 25 marked our second wedding anniversary. I feel like Bryon and I have been together long enough to be transparent about our relationship.

We are happy. We're still in love. We will have a 50th anniversary.
But the last couple of years have had some rough moments.

I've thought a lot about how much easier marriage made the whole sexual sin thing for me. And not having to wonder "is this relationship God's will for my life??" That thought plagued me years before I met Bryon. So it seemed like life got much easier. Now I could get on with my dreams, you know? But marriage isn't the Happily Ever After of life. In many ways, it's been the beginning to my journey.

Marriage is incredibly trying. I started to realize how often I am selfish, how often I act in anger. And since I'm with my husband most of the time.. I've realized how much of my time is spent not doing the things I say I want to do.

I've learned more about grace in the last two years than any other period of my life. There are times when I positively do NOT want to forgive Bryon. But that is so not what God does, nor what he wants me to do. There are other times when I screw up and I hurt him. That sucks. And it makes me think about how I can hurt God's heart also.

But love covers all of that. Not always perfectly in marriage. We're learning. It's definitely a long road. But always perfectly from God. Love, love, love and TONS of grace. I can't even begin to understand how much it takes for each one of us, how much he loves us. Or how incredibly thankful I am about that.

My relationship with Bryon has been a beautiful illustration of that love. How good and fulfilling it can be, and also how much forgiveness it can take. Neither of us are perfect, but I'm happy to be travelling through life with him.

"I got a man to stick it out
And make a home from a rented house
And we'll collect the moments one by one
I guess that's how the future's done"

<3

I want to see

I want to have both of my eyes open wide, and see in all directions.

We don't have all the answers. It's arrogance to think otherwise.

I don't want to fall into a delusion that one person, one group, one belief system has it 100% right. Because no matter what, there's more. More to God, more to self, more to love, more to life.

Seemingly contradictory statements can both be true. But if we get stuck on what we learned first we might not realize that. If we truly get that God loves us and wants good things for us, that's a beautiful revelation. But can turn into an attitude of entitlement. The opposite could mean turning down the gifts God has planned to give you in love.

Nothing is simple.. very little is black and white. Shades of grey. We all have a lens through which we observe life. Other than core truths- that lens should always be changing, reforming.

I must remain like a child. I must be teachable. Wide eyed, arms open to embrace.

Speck

That's what I am. I'm a speck. A teeny, tiny part of this world.

I started thinking about it when we visited the Redwoods a couple weeks ago. Those trees are massive. And they've been growing since well before the birth of the USA. We drove 4 hours to get there. A couple hundred miles across one part of one state, in one country. Our earth is huge. And all over it, life is happening. People are laughing. Birthdays are being celebrated. Someone is being born, right now. A flower is blooming. People are falling in love. Water is running off a cliff.

I am so unaware of the vast majority of what is happening right now. It's really humbling. My entire world, my entire existence.. is such a small part of the whole. One hundred years from now, I'll be all but forgotten. Life was going on before I was born, and it will continue long after I die.

This may sound morbid, but it actually makes me feel the opposite. I'm so inspired. I want my life to have meaning, I want to be a part of something.

ALL of life is in God's hands. And he has a specific purpose for me being here. If I live for only my survival, there is no point. But if I live to further God's kingdom, to spread love and justice.. I get to play a part in this huge, beautiful process. I get to be a brush stroke in the big picture. It's exhilarating.

My favorite quote number 38472397

My hunger for the freedom of my own people became a hunger for the freedom of all people, white and black. I knew as well as I knew anything that the oppressor must be liberated just as surely as the oppressed. A [person] who takes away another [person's] freedom is a prisoner of hatred ... is locked behind bars of prejudice and narrow-mindedness. I am not truly free if I am taking away someone else's freedom, just as surely as I am not free when my freedom is taken from me. The oppressed and the oppressor alike are robbed of their humanity.
- Nelson Mandela, from his autobiography Long Walk to Freedom

Throwing out my favorite excuse

There's been this issue driving me crazy lately. I hear people say "this is my struggle, the thorn in my flesh, go read Romans 7" and then that person not being able to overcome an issue in their life is considered totally acceptable. Because we all fall short. And I know that is so true. If we get judged by our works, we're screwed. Each and every one of us.

But I'm an idealist. And I believe that God wants to forgive every single one of our sins. I believe he wants to heal every disease. I believe he wants every person to be fed. I believe he wants there to be absolute peace, interpersonally and intrapersonally.

So if God's grace is enough to cover all our sin, why isn't his grace enough to help us overcome our obstacles? I think it is.

I think the same spirit that raised Christ from the dead lives in us. And I think that spirit, the Holy Spirit, is totally willing to enable us to live as Jesus did. In every way.

I don't think Jesus was a liar. I don't think he set unreasonable expectations. He said "You are forgiven. Now go, and sin no more." If he said it, I believe it. It's possible, it's attainable. Clearly, not by my strength or goodness. But that's not what's getting me into heaven. Why should I rely on my own self to live a good life?

I don't have this whole theology worked out. I'm just having a hard time justifying anything less than holiness lately.

As for Romans 7... in the beginning of the chapter, Paul says:

"By dying to what once bound us, we have been released from the law so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit, and not in the old way of the written code.."

We don't have to struggle to earn God's acceptance the way people used to.

I know how that chapter is used. But it's just one chapter. I think reading Romans 6 over and over would be a good idea.

15What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! 16Don't you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? 17But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you wholeheartedly obeyed the form of teaching to which you were entrusted. 18You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.
19I put this in human terms because you are weak in your natural selves. Just as you used to offer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer them in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness. 20When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. 21What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! 22But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. 23For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.