Now.

Bryon and I got back from our Florida trip on Monday. Honestly, I expected to feel depressed this week. I miss home. I miss having family and friends that make us feel like we belong. Our life in California has been much more isolated, and it's been hard.

So it's been easy for me to think of this time as something to get through and one day we get to leave.. almost like CA isn't our real life, it's just a really long trip. But since we've been back I've realized how much I don't want to live that way.

I don't want to live for something that's going to happen in the future. And I don't want to be so attached to the past that I can't embrace what's in front of me. All I'm guaranteed, all I have- is this moment. I have hope for things to come. I have memories that I cherish. But all I can actually live is right now.

I think I've made a habit of living passively, and that's the opposite of what I want to do. So I guess I needed this eye-opener.. these thoughts have been running through my head all week, and I've definitely been more intentional about how I spend my time, how I respond to people, what I'm thinking or talking about. Today counts just as much as last week did.

Obviously, this doesn't mean I'll never feel lonely or sad. But I will make the most of every day. Very soon, this moment.. this weekend.. this season will only be a memory.

I refuse to let it simply pass me by.