While Bryon is making a smore...

We've been gone for 6 days.

Most of you know, I was pretty sad before we left. My friends, family, job- my whole life was in Florida. Then, Bryon and I packed up and left everything except our car, clothes and each other.

From a more objective view, I'm sure it was pretty clear that this was going to be exciting, but it was kind of hard for me to see that. Or at least to believe it.

But now, I feel so adventurous! As predicted by some wise individuals, Bryon and I's relationship is so awesome.. and this is just the beginning. Especially for the past couple months, we've been surrounded by other loved ones. That was truly fantastic, but it being just the two of us, for hours on end, has been a lot of fun. I had my doubts.. I can get really irritable. We've been praying for a lot of love and grace, and God's been faithful :)

I was thinking earlier about the things that I "need" in my life to be happy. The more I thought about it, the shorter that list got. It's so much fun to dream, and it's important to pursue those dreams.. but even if you end up with something completely different, there's so much beauty in this life.

God's plan is so much better than ours.. His ways are so much higher. If I only followed a path that I thought up I'd be so limited. There's so much more. I feel like I'm getting to experience more than I'd dreamed of before.

And, as I said... it's just the beginning.

The dirty truth

Sometimes I get so frustrated.

I feel like I'm doing so well.. and then I get angry with someone and give them attitude. Or I get in a bad mood and shut out the people around. Even if they are the ones who care about me the most.. especially if they are the ones who care about me the most.

What is it that drags me back?? I know its my flesh.. but geez. He who is in me is greater, right? I'm so impatient. To be honest, I want it to come naturally. I want it to be easy. And I want that to happen now. Patience, perseverance, discipline.. that takes a whole lotta time.

God is still making things messier in our relationship. And sometimes it hurts. Sometimes it's stuff I really don't want to see. Stuff I would've sworn that I definitely don't struggly with. Actually, it's easier for me to say that I don't "struggle" with anything. I'm just becoming more and more perfect. (This is a crock, and I know it- thanks)

But sometimes it sucks to admit I have issues. How will everyone think I'm wonderful if they're all seeing my junk? Even this feels so awkward to be writing. Maybe I'll just keep it as a draft...

I started really praying not too long ago that God would bring my imperfections to the surface, to refine and sanctify me. But when I prayed that, I didn't realize how personal it would be. Selfish, jealous, insecure and proud. That's me. I do appreciate how deep He's going. I would rather be uncomfortable than complacent. And He's following through with my request.

I'm thankful that nothing I do surprises God. That He knew every mistake I would make, every dark piece of my heart, and then He chose me. I take so much comfort in that.

Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes and clever in their own sight. Is 5:21

The Heart of Life

I hate to see you cry
Lying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears and listen

Pain throws you heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way, it should
But I know the heart of life is good

You know it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
Then the circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way, it should
But I know the heart of life is good


Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
Fear is a friend who's misunderstood
But I know the heart of life is good

I know it's good

-John Mayer