Sometimes I get so frustrated.
I feel like I'm doing so well.. and then I get angry with someone and give them attitude. Or I get in a bad mood and shut out the people around. Even if they are the ones who care about me the most.. especially if they are the ones who care about me the most.
What is it that drags me back?? I know its my flesh.. but geez. He who is in me is greater, right? I'm so impatient. To be honest, I want it to come naturally. I want it to be easy. And I want that to happen now. Patience, perseverance, discipline.. that takes a whole lotta time.
God is still making things messier in our relationship. And sometimes it hurts. Sometimes it's stuff I really don't want to see. Stuff I would've sworn that I definitely don't struggly with. Actually, it's easier for me to say that I don't "struggle" with anything. I'm just becoming more and more perfect. (This is a crock, and I know it- thanks)
But sometimes it sucks to admit I have issues. How will everyone think I'm wonderful if they're all seeing my junk? Even this feels so awkward to be writing. Maybe I'll just keep it as a draft...
I started really praying not too long ago that God would bring my imperfections to the surface, to refine and sanctify me. But when I prayed that, I didn't realize how personal it would be. Selfish, jealous, insecure and proud. That's me. I do appreciate how deep He's going. I would rather be uncomfortable than complacent. And He's following through with my request.
I'm thankful that nothing I do surprises God. That He knew every mistake I would make, every dark piece of my heart, and then He chose me. I take so much comfort in that.
Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes and clever in their own sight. Is 5:21
I appreciate your honesty more than you know because I could've written this myself! It sounds exactly like what I'm going through. One of the lies I often tell myself is that I'm in this alone... it's good to know I'm not.
ReplyDeleteI love you a lot.
Thank you for your transparency. As His light shines brighter in each of us, we begin to see things we wish weren't there... and thankfully we belong to the One who knows exactly how to bring us perfectly healed and whole to the other side.
ReplyDeleteThe cross declares a righteousness that is not our own, thankfully we never have to place our confidence in our flesh.
:)
It's interesting that God seems to have you in this place recently, but how awesome!
ReplyDeleteThis is how we work out the little inconsistencies in our lives, not slowly, but with complete readiness on our own part. It's great to see that readiness.
Thats really great that you'd prefer to be uncomfortable than complacent. Although you have struggles and issues,(like us all...) you really are in the right place. You are right where God wants you and He is pleased with you. God's love is amazing and He loves you so much.
ReplyDeleteIt really is awesome that He did choose us AFTER He knew us. He is so good.