Last night a woman named Tracy Evans shared with Bethel. Bryon actually got to hear her earlier in the week and he told me she was amazing, but I was completely blown away!
Tracy is a missionary to Mozambique. She's a teeny, gentle woman and she has changed thousands of lives. She touched my heart so much.. I just have to share what she's doing.
One thing her team does to help the community is caring for 600 babies every week. Many young mothers die while the babies are just infants, and then there is no way to feed them. Tracy and her team have made a deal.. if another member of the family will take responsibility for the young one, they can bring the child in once a week and they will supply a week's worth of formula and health care for the child and the family member who brings them in. This way, the babies are still able to live with their families and grow up in the African culture, instead of becoming isolated from them. On top of that, they've seen many of the young woman and children healed of AIDS!
They also run a prison ministry. They go to the jail almost every day and do a Bible study. The prisoners are dependant on their families to supply food. Tracy's team has been able to have some of the men come to their fields and help with the farming. Then, when they harvest the crop, they bring some of the food back to the prison!
In Mozambique, everyone runs out and plants their whole crop after the first rain. One year, after they had done that, it didn't rain again and everyone's crop died. Someone donated a bunch of new seeds to Tracy's ministry.. but instead of planting them, she gave them away to the rest of the village and she decided to raise their crop from the dead.. and it worked!! Not only did their crop grow, but it yielded 60% more than usual!
This woman works in an area that is predominately Muslim. She has been arrested by the unfriendly guerrilla fighters 3 times. She got shipwrecked for a year on a tiny island.. and by the time she left, everyone of the island knew Jesus.
I know that reading about someone seems distant. But Tracy is so real. It seems so possible. She is out there doing the work of God. And she made sure to emphasize that she doesn't regret a thing. I want to be able to say that.
This is the heart of our God. To care for the poor and the orphans. To heal the sick and raise the dead. To provide abundance out of nothing.
I am filled with joy and anticipation.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Original
I tried and tried to find the quote on the internet, but I'm pretty terrible about remembering the exact wording of anything. The gist was:
"It's better to be a first rate you than a poor man's someone else."
That struck me. For the entirety of my adolescence I tried to find my identity in other people. Sometimes I admired them for good reasons, sometimes not. I wanted to be as smart as this person, as pretty as that girl, as witty as him... I never felt like just being me was enough of anything to stand on.
The older I've gotten the less of an issue this has been. I've become much more secure. But I still catch myself comparing. Wondering how I measure up. Now, I do this concerning my looks, personality.. and my spirituality.
I'd grown very comfortable at home. I knew who I was. I knew where I fit. Here at Bethel, the environment is so different.. it's challenging in a wonderful way. But there are some less than fabulous challenges as well.
Spiritually it's so good for me. My box is ever expanding. My relationship with Christ growing more intimate. My understanding of who God is and who he sees me as is becoming much clearer.
However, many of the girls here are very pretty and incredibly trendy. There's a focus on the arts here and fashion is seen as one of the realms that the church needs to take leadership in. That's fine, I guess. But that's not my field. Not my call. Sometimes, though, it feels intimidating being around all these girls who are leading the way.
My first reaction was to judge myself. I don't look the same as them = there's something wrong with me. But I remembered getting to where I am. In my situation, feeling the need to look a certain way is something God has been setting me free from. So out came the T-shirts!
Then.. I found myself judging them. Obviously, this is revelation I've attained and they just aren't there yet. How dare they be so shallow! = Nope, not accurate. Bad on my part.
I've prayed for years that I would be transformed through the Holy Spirit to look like Shane Claiborne. Oh no, wait.. to look like Jesus! I gave Him my life and said He could use me however He wanted to. If that looks different than others, what difference does that make?
I know there are gifts and desires in me that are unique. I have the freedom to pursue my own dreams, even if not everybody feels that same passion. For so long, I wondered if I was lacking something because the things I longed for were different than the majority.
But God is a big God. He's got lots of dreams. And He's trusted me with some that are a little less common. How awesome! He considered me responsible enough to be trusted with them.
I will be found faithful.
"It's better to be a first rate you than a poor man's someone else."
That struck me. For the entirety of my adolescence I tried to find my identity in other people. Sometimes I admired them for good reasons, sometimes not. I wanted to be as smart as this person, as pretty as that girl, as witty as him... I never felt like just being me was enough of anything to stand on.
The older I've gotten the less of an issue this has been. I've become much more secure. But I still catch myself comparing. Wondering how I measure up. Now, I do this concerning my looks, personality.. and my spirituality.
I'd grown very comfortable at home. I knew who I was. I knew where I fit. Here at Bethel, the environment is so different.. it's challenging in a wonderful way. But there are some less than fabulous challenges as well.
Spiritually it's so good for me. My box is ever expanding. My relationship with Christ growing more intimate. My understanding of who God is and who he sees me as is becoming much clearer.
However, many of the girls here are very pretty and incredibly trendy. There's a focus on the arts here and fashion is seen as one of the realms that the church needs to take leadership in. That's fine, I guess. But that's not my field. Not my call. Sometimes, though, it feels intimidating being around all these girls who are leading the way.
My first reaction was to judge myself. I don't look the same as them = there's something wrong with me. But I remembered getting to where I am. In my situation, feeling the need to look a certain way is something God has been setting me free from. So out came the T-shirts!
Then.. I found myself judging them. Obviously, this is revelation I've attained and they just aren't there yet. How dare they be so shallow! = Nope, not accurate. Bad on my part.
I've prayed for years that I would be transformed through the Holy Spirit to look like Shane Claiborne. Oh no, wait.. to look like Jesus! I gave Him my life and said He could use me however He wanted to. If that looks different than others, what difference does that make?
I know there are gifts and desires in me that are unique. I have the freedom to pursue my own dreams, even if not everybody feels that same passion. For so long, I wondered if I was lacking something because the things I longed for were different than the majority.
But God is a big God. He's got lots of dreams. And He's trusted me with some that are a little less common. How awesome! He considered me responsible enough to be trusted with them.
I will be found faithful.
Friday, September 18, 2009
loved
I honestly don't know what to write in here...
There's so much in my head, I'm not sure I can put in words in any way that makes sense. I feel like I'm being ripped up by my roots. All the fears I've kept in my heart are being pulled out. And it's kind of painful. It's actually terrifying to be so humbled. I feel like a baby taking my first steps.. like there's this whole new level I hadn't even dreamt of before.
I'm not sure if this is something I'll experience this one time, or if every time God takes me deeper I'll feel the same way. This time, I prayed that I would be humbled. That God would take everything I was holding on to. And He's doing it. I didn't even realize how fearful I was.. of being loved and accepted. Crazy. His name is Love.
I feel so cherished.. there's so many ways He's made it clear that He is pursuing me. And there are so many ways I've been hiding from that. I'm believing that there is so much more He can and will do in me. I believe I can be different from this moment onward. That there are deeper places He wants to take me.
I kind of hate admitting all of this. This is basic, right? God loves us.. duh. I've known it on the surface for so long.. but.. it's just different now. He is doing a new thing.
Behold, I have come for you. I come like a river to purify. I will bring water to your soul and give life to the gifts that are within. As I pour in my love, peace and justice will flow out..
You will be holy, as I am holy.
There's so much in my head, I'm not sure I can put in words in any way that makes sense. I feel like I'm being ripped up by my roots. All the fears I've kept in my heart are being pulled out. And it's kind of painful. It's actually terrifying to be so humbled. I feel like a baby taking my first steps.. like there's this whole new level I hadn't even dreamt of before.
I'm not sure if this is something I'll experience this one time, or if every time God takes me deeper I'll feel the same way. This time, I prayed that I would be humbled. That God would take everything I was holding on to. And He's doing it. I didn't even realize how fearful I was.. of being loved and accepted. Crazy. His name is Love.
I feel so cherished.. there's so many ways He's made it clear that He is pursuing me. And there are so many ways I've been hiding from that. I'm believing that there is so much more He can and will do in me. I believe I can be different from this moment onward. That there are deeper places He wants to take me.
I kind of hate admitting all of this. This is basic, right? God loves us.. duh. I've known it on the surface for so long.. but.. it's just different now. He is doing a new thing.
Behold, I have come for you. I come like a river to purify. I will bring water to your soul and give life to the gifts that are within. As I pour in my love, peace and justice will flow out..
You will be holy, as I am holy.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
job description
This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.
John 15:12-13
What does it really mean to love others as Jesus has loved us?
To lay down our lives.
So what does that look like?
I believe, to lay down our lives for God, means to serve Him with everything we are. To worship Him because He is worthy, no matter what's going on in our lives or what we're doing at that exact moment in time. We worship Him because we love Him. We love Him because He first loved us. And He, in His wonderful love, laid down His life. Literally. It cost Him everything.
What is it costing us to follow Him?
And what is costing us to love others?
For the longest time, I thought that meant being nice to every single person I met. And even that was kind of hard. You know, smiling at people, being in a good mood, listening to a friend even if you're busy.... but now I don't think that's quite what Jesus meant. His love for us put Him on a cross.
So for me to truly love other people, the way Jesus wants me to, must take a little more. My time, my energy, my money, my passion. Loving people with action. Helping them find freedom, feeding them, clothing them.. in a way that, often times, costs me something.
This is a more demanding call than I thought I signed up for initially. But then, Jesus is a lot more than I thought at first. He's more real than I could've imagined before I followed Him. And this cry within my heart is not fading away. It's everywhere I look. It's in everything I want to do with my life.
I'm currently looking for a job in California. At first I thought I'd try to work for a bank or an insurance company.. something to pay the bills. And my time not working would be so awesome! But now.. I hate that idea. I don't know what job I'll end up with. But I feel like, to be a good steward with my time and resources, I should work somewhere that's doing good. Obviously, everybody can't work for a nonprofit organization. But this burden for social justice is so heavy on my heart.. I have to try.
Whether it ends up being my job or not, this is something I feel called to so strongly. As long as I believe that's what God is doing in me, I have to pursue it with everything I am.
John 15:12-13
What does it really mean to love others as Jesus has loved us?
To lay down our lives.
So what does that look like?
I believe, to lay down our lives for God, means to serve Him with everything we are. To worship Him because He is worthy, no matter what's going on in our lives or what we're doing at that exact moment in time. We worship Him because we love Him. We love Him because He first loved us. And He, in His wonderful love, laid down His life. Literally. It cost Him everything.
What is it costing us to follow Him?
And what is costing us to love others?
For the longest time, I thought that meant being nice to every single person I met. And even that was kind of hard. You know, smiling at people, being in a good mood, listening to a friend even if you're busy.... but now I don't think that's quite what Jesus meant. His love for us put Him on a cross.
So for me to truly love other people, the way Jesus wants me to, must take a little more. My time, my energy, my money, my passion. Loving people with action. Helping them find freedom, feeding them, clothing them.. in a way that, often times, costs me something.
This is a more demanding call than I thought I signed up for initially. But then, Jesus is a lot more than I thought at first. He's more real than I could've imagined before I followed Him. And this cry within my heart is not fading away. It's everywhere I look. It's in everything I want to do with my life.
I'm currently looking for a job in California. At first I thought I'd try to work for a bank or an insurance company.. something to pay the bills. And my time not working would be so awesome! But now.. I hate that idea. I don't know what job I'll end up with. But I feel like, to be a good steward with my time and resources, I should work somewhere that's doing good. Obviously, everybody can't work for a nonprofit organization. But this burden for social justice is so heavy on my heart.. I have to try.
Whether it ends up being my job or not, this is something I feel called to so strongly. As long as I believe that's what God is doing in me, I have to pursue it with everything I am.
Monday, August 31, 2009
While Bryon is making a smore...
We've been gone for 6 days.
Most of you know, I was pretty sad before we left. My friends, family, job- my whole life was in Florida. Then, Bryon and I packed up and left everything except our car, clothes and each other.
From a more objective view, I'm sure it was pretty clear that this was going to be exciting, but it was kind of hard for me to see that. Or at least to believe it.
But now, I feel so adventurous! As predicted by some wise individuals, Bryon and I's relationship is so awesome.. and this is just the beginning. Especially for the past couple months, we've been surrounded by other loved ones. That was truly fantastic, but it being just the two of us, for hours on end, has been a lot of fun. I had my doubts.. I can get really irritable. We've been praying for a lot of love and grace, and God's been faithful :)
I was thinking earlier about the things that I "need" in my life to be happy. The more I thought about it, the shorter that list got. It's so much fun to dream, and it's important to pursue those dreams.. but even if you end up with something completely different, there's so much beauty in this life.
God's plan is so much better than ours.. His ways are so much higher. If I only followed a path that I thought up I'd be so limited. There's so much more. I feel like I'm getting to experience more than I'd dreamed of before.
And, as I said... it's just the beginning.
Most of you know, I was pretty sad before we left. My friends, family, job- my whole life was in Florida. Then, Bryon and I packed up and left everything except our car, clothes and each other.
From a more objective view, I'm sure it was pretty clear that this was going to be exciting, but it was kind of hard for me to see that. Or at least to believe it.
But now, I feel so adventurous! As predicted by some wise individuals, Bryon and I's relationship is so awesome.. and this is just the beginning. Especially for the past couple months, we've been surrounded by other loved ones. That was truly fantastic, but it being just the two of us, for hours on end, has been a lot of fun. I had my doubts.. I can get really irritable. We've been praying for a lot of love and grace, and God's been faithful :)
I was thinking earlier about the things that I "need" in my life to be happy. The more I thought about it, the shorter that list got. It's so much fun to dream, and it's important to pursue those dreams.. but even if you end up with something completely different, there's so much beauty in this life.
God's plan is so much better than ours.. His ways are so much higher. If I only followed a path that I thought up I'd be so limited. There's so much more. I feel like I'm getting to experience more than I'd dreamed of before.
And, as I said... it's just the beginning.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
The dirty truth
Sometimes I get so frustrated.
I feel like I'm doing so well.. and then I get angry with someone and give them attitude. Or I get in a bad mood and shut out the people around. Even if they are the ones who care about me the most.. especially if they are the ones who care about me the most.
What is it that drags me back?? I know its my flesh.. but geez. He who is in me is greater, right? I'm so impatient. To be honest, I want it to come naturally. I want it to be easy. And I want that to happen now. Patience, perseverance, discipline.. that takes a whole lotta time.
God is still making things messier in our relationship. And sometimes it hurts. Sometimes it's stuff I really don't want to see. Stuff I would've sworn that I definitely don't struggly with. Actually, it's easier for me to say that I don't "struggle" with anything. I'm just becoming more and more perfect. (This is a crock, and I know it- thanks)
But sometimes it sucks to admit I have issues. How will everyone think I'm wonderful if they're all seeing my junk? Even this feels so awkward to be writing. Maybe I'll just keep it as a draft...
I started really praying not too long ago that God would bring my imperfections to the surface, to refine and sanctify me. But when I prayed that, I didn't realize how personal it would be. Selfish, jealous, insecure and proud. That's me. I do appreciate how deep He's going. I would rather be uncomfortable than complacent. And He's following through with my request.
I'm thankful that nothing I do surprises God. That He knew every mistake I would make, every dark piece of my heart, and then He chose me. I take so much comfort in that.
Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes and clever in their own sight. Is 5:21
I feel like I'm doing so well.. and then I get angry with someone and give them attitude. Or I get in a bad mood and shut out the people around. Even if they are the ones who care about me the most.. especially if they are the ones who care about me the most.
What is it that drags me back?? I know its my flesh.. but geez. He who is in me is greater, right? I'm so impatient. To be honest, I want it to come naturally. I want it to be easy. And I want that to happen now. Patience, perseverance, discipline.. that takes a whole lotta time.
God is still making things messier in our relationship. And sometimes it hurts. Sometimes it's stuff I really don't want to see. Stuff I would've sworn that I definitely don't struggly with. Actually, it's easier for me to say that I don't "struggle" with anything. I'm just becoming more and more perfect. (This is a crock, and I know it- thanks)
But sometimes it sucks to admit I have issues. How will everyone think I'm wonderful if they're all seeing my junk? Even this feels so awkward to be writing. Maybe I'll just keep it as a draft...
I started really praying not too long ago that God would bring my imperfections to the surface, to refine and sanctify me. But when I prayed that, I didn't realize how personal it would be. Selfish, jealous, insecure and proud. That's me. I do appreciate how deep He's going. I would rather be uncomfortable than complacent. And He's following through with my request.
I'm thankful that nothing I do surprises God. That He knew every mistake I would make, every dark piece of my heart, and then He chose me. I take so much comfort in that.
Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes and clever in their own sight. Is 5:21
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
The Heart of Life
I hate to see you cry
Lying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears and listen
Pain throws you heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way, it should
But I know the heart of life is good
You know it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
Then the circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining
Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way, it should
But I know the heart of life is good
Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
Fear is a friend who's misunderstood
But I know the heart of life is good
I know it's good
-John Mayer
Lying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears and listen
Pain throws you heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way, it should
But I know the heart of life is good
You know it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
Then the circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining
Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way, it should
But I know the heart of life is good
Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
Fear is a friend who's misunderstood
But I know the heart of life is good
I know it's good
-John Mayer
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